For the love of thy life.....read not what follows.....because 'tis bullshit pure as bullshit can be......

Maybe it is the fact that my midsems have ended today,or maybe the fact that i spent 60 bucks on an utterly despicable movie....or maybe its the fact that i just happened to watch an awesomely gut wrenching match between australia and south africa....i dont know what exactly..
but something is affecting my fantasy that it is engaging in flightful vagaries of a nature not entirely foreign to me....but that is not to say that i completely comprehend them!!!

As I said...i am a bit awkward today...so awkward things thngs are coming to my mind...as they will obtrude the thoughts of a person not completely in hold of himself....for example...i was just looking back at the thoughts that have crossed my mind over the course of the day just ten minutes ago...I realized that my thoughts were so much similar to those of some of the characters i have studied thus far in my literature course .....So is it that I think in a way which follows a general algorithm,which is followed by the thought patterns of 99% human beings???

One major thought that seems to pervade all....me and my fictional counterparts, that is....is the unconcious fear of failure....I think i will be thought of as insane if I say that I am fairly brutal in my bouts of self examination....but thats the way it is....Its not only in me....I have noticed it in my friends as well... The fear of failure is in a very metaphorically significant (now what does that mean???? :-)) way the fear of fear itself....I would ask the reader to closely examine what he or she does when they discover that they have made a mistake in an examination....Well actually...i think anybody would have the answer to this question.....There is a violently valiant effort on the part of this person,who had the misfortune of having contracted this strange disease called Failure....a literally brutal effort to convince himself that the mistake infact wasn't.
Subconciously he knows that he is wrong...that his imagined grandeur and the glory bathin his soul would reduce to a ludicrous heap at the slightest whiff...nay , as soon as he gets the corrected exam book back!!!!

So I was thinking...why this all pervading fear of failure.....and why do we all have this overpowering instinct to unburden our soul by decieving our heart???? Is it because we are all pedants...at least the sphere of people I communicate with are in some degree all pedants...In fact, on a rethought...i think i should reframe this self introspective question.....Is it because that we all have grown up and have been nurtured by a world which has been brought up by its own set principles????....We have merely imbibed that which our world reflects....What would, for example ,be the situation of a man who has been removed from civilization when his powers were ,at best rudimentary??? would a man totally removed from mankind since infancy also have this fear of failure???..Is it a human instinct???? An instinct ,as in something that emerges from within....Something that all humans are born with???? Or rather something that we pick up from the world around us....something that we are not born with...but rather something that is imprinted on the tableau rasa we are all born with ( Ok ...dont jump on me....I meant a Semi tableau rasa....as in the fact that we are born with somethings....and some others are imprinted on our mind by our experiences.....So all i am asking is that is this an instinct ...and therefore to be categorized as one of the first kind....or is it a habit....and therefore obtained from experience)

The more i think of it....the more i am convinced that the logic is circular in this problem....
Maybe it is because of the fact that we are using our minds to examine our minds!!!!! maybe the mind has a will of its own...and it uses that will to ensure that we will never get anywhere close to the reality about how our minds work!!!!

The logic is circular in the sense that if i invoke what a certain gentleman called Darwin told us some two centuries back.....It is in the interest of the species...in terms of its survival and growth that the facts (well...if they can be called so) pertaining to the most crucial situations faced by members of that species as a whole be ingrained as instincts in the mind ....These are the things i earlier mentioned "emerge from within" in a way....Its a question of rates .....By the time the particular entity belonging to the species learns these "crunch facts" from experience...
and bear in mind that the experience should be substantial enough to form a habit!!!!....that thing would have died....

And yet....then what purpose does experience..."Experience" fulfill??...Why do we have a long term memory if the experience indeed is of no use.....It seems to be a wasteful vagary on the part of nature....After all...to say the fear of failure is ingrained in us all is quite ...well quite natural.....But does our experience not tell us this too.....Isn't there...therefore a redundancy ???

But nature as we all know....is NOT wasteful....(well that maybe a pretty conscientious issue...but well)...why this double....nature has no doubles....its a giant jigsaw puzzle...where no part resembles any other....There are uncountable number of pieces...myriads of them ....big , small.....And yet...almost inexplicably...they all fit into each other......So there seems to be a basic flaw in our understanding....

I will not attempt to write any more....Partly because i m pretty sleepy now....(that would have been apparent to the reader by now)...and partly because even through my sleepy and morbid sense of sense...i am vaguely aware of the fact that i am going on circles of ever larger radii.....And in fact i am drifting farther and farther away from what i started with.....Dont blame me....You should have taken the heading seriously :-))))