The fall

A throbbing, a painless inanimate mechanical throbbing engulfs my entire being, threatening to erase the last links I retain with what I once was. I am a coin now,an old coin, worn down to a smooth polish with criss crossing lines across my face, with a silhouette that you will notice only if you peer hard enough. Maybe if you ran your forefinger on me, not too hard, but softly enough that you would feel something if there were something to be felt, maybe then, you'd sense an almost imperceptible undulation , as you would on a mound of earth flattened by a bulldozer.

I wont bore you with how I remember the time when I had a lot more than you see now, when I was a hearty lad with a cheery disposition. I do remember that time, or maybe I dont. It doesnt matter. It was a long time ago. Or at least seems that way. I am not sure any longer,not sure when it started. And in a sense, that seems just about right, this freedom from aspirations, this state of anonymity, where you'll hardly notice me unless you were to accidentally tread on me. I am aware that I still retain some worth to other individuals. I still have, as I understand, certain uses, though not for myself.

Sometimes I think that my situation is not beyond repair. Well, repair in a manner of speaking, as I dont really mind the way things are now. Age has gradually brought me the understanding that its all futile anyway. But sometimes I do catch myself thinking that maybe my reverting to who I was is not totally impossible. After all, I do sometimes make vague attempts to communicate, deep inside I do seem to be half aware that something is amiss, something is askew in the road I took. But then, I find myself gently melting away into a state of suspended animation, life coming to a crawling pace before halting, and I, laying there as if paralysed with mouth agape, stare lifelessly through glistening eyes, while image after image in an endless stream of images is branded,searing hot, into the back of my brain.

There will come a time when it can take no more. Then suddenly, the stream would have to turn back, as bullets turn back from the body of some cheap comic book caped hero. I am vaguely aware that I must prevent that from happening . The Doctor said so. Not that it matters, but this light really blinds me. I must close my eyes. Now. I must close my eyes now.

But I really dont know how.How?
I really dont know..