The world through my eyes...(Part 2)

Of course, I might ask myself at this point, that Am I talking to anybody??
and what are the implications if I am not???

Is the moon there when nobody is looking???

am i there when nobody is listening????

Do I exist even when somebody is????Or am I but a mirthless phantasm....A phantasm of my own mind....

A phantasm in the mind of a phantasm in the mind of a phantasm in the mind of a phantasm in the mind of a phantasm.......
flying awayawayawayawayawayawayaway......


Me Thinking (or M.T.)
- U will never get her... It is impossible....She is unattainable....dont you fucking realize????she is too good for you....and she ....Do you think that she would fall for your cheap overtures?? Dont you think the ball has been in your court long enough???
Or maybe she too is a phantasm in your mind....So she is behaving exactly the way you dont want her to....
just as is the case with you yourself

My god....nothing ever happens the way you want it to....could it not be that the whole world is a creation of your own brain????eloquently quaintly elegantly prettily eerie, but unreal...But by symmetry then all should have a similar imagined world...So all of us are truely there...but none of us sees the other, Tis only ourselves we see..

Man in blue T shirt...probably unshaven for two weeks...poor PhD students
- Excuse me...are you temp11??? I think I told you not to switch off any terminals even when you are stuck

(M.T.) -Gerrof me son of a bitch.....bloody arse

Me- No acacactually what happened was that...

blue T shirt- I dont think so....You see...(shit)

(M.T.) - &$#&%#&%#&%(*&)(IH
Every dog has his day.....You qualify to have your day by that statement...You bloody son of a bitch

Me- No...I am very sorry...I am sure I will manage call somebody the next time I get stuck (undertone) bloody f*****

(M.T.) - Hellish inferno...I hate this place....but I love it too... VampirishByVirtueOfSuckingHarlotInfested
Streets....Goat....What god made him I wonder???and whereof do I speak of with such grandiloquence??
This is a battle of egoes.... The Crab against the Goat...Nobody wins, because crabs dont eat goats and goats dont eat crabs....But both get hurt....Bad thing....this human thing called ego....always comes up when humans are chaffed....

Why could i not be like the Little Prince????

Because I am not....I am not pure of heart...of course I could be a prude....So that others think that I am...

So if others think I am pure of heart that means I am not...I am a prude....

Because nobody thinks that anybody else is pure of heart... We never really see anybody else save our own noses, do we.....So if we think others think us to be pure of heart then we are imagining that too....
which makes us prudes.....

lady in red kammez-
Do you know how to get this thing working???

me- of course

(M.T.)- why cant you ask someone else????WHY ME FOR GODS SAKE????
..............................................................................

(M.T.) - I think I will take a walk....I love taking that walk....nobody around...Sometimes i like being alone

I dont feel ashamed of myself anymore when I am alone....

I think i will take a short walk in short strides...

Short times of space in short spaces of time.....really...now isnt that so inexorable,......U should feel ashamed....copying verbatim from Joyce.....Not that he would mind though....

Myriads of blue fishes swimming in front of my eyes.....

Does She realize what she means to you????
are you not ashamed of harbouring such feelings for a sweet girl as her???You MentallyUnstableBaboonHavingBananasDreamingOfPinaColadas!!!!! How can you ever think of her like that....

You would hurt her if you were to tell her inspite of knowing that you would hurt her if you tell her that you have no intention of hurting her by telling her that which you are so sure would hurt her were you to tell her

Does that mean that the whole flaw lies in My knowing that I would hurt her feelings if I were to tell her???

Or does that make Me a quintissential brutish roguish animal(preferably a baboon) mentally retarded yet not devoid of a heart??(Such characters as are commonly shown in movies)

She is so very cute.....cute as a lemon pie...no....choclate truffle...bah...whoever said that choclate truffle tastes cute???It is voluptuous.....I love voluptuosity...but only in food...and I just realized that I am making it so much worse by writing thus of it.....

I wish the goat attempts to kill me tomorrow...That is the only way I can kill him and yet not be implicated...
Maybe if I am greviously hurt(but manage to kill him all the same) she will fall for me.....

No....this is so disgusting....Why am I thinking of her like that...I do not deserve anything as good as her....
Wait...but am I no good....I will kill now
......................................................................

Fat man,probably the kind who farts loudly in public....who doesnt fart????but this guy does it loudly....
bloody farty fartacious fartimously farted lungs of his-
Did you see X,You know, a person with a Blue T Shirt??
Me- No actually I havent seen him
(M.T.)-Muhahahahahaha
Farty- Oh, How strange...but I see...are you sure...How long have you been sitting here???
Me-Why, must be close to two hours now...
(M.T.)-Every Dog has his day!!!!!Mark My words..... Every Dog has his day
Farty-Oh I see...well...If he comes then tell him to meet me(muttering) bloody....
Me- Ok Sir, I will definitely tell Him

(M.T.)- Are you sure you should have done that ????
I mean, who are you kidding???

You are the most disgusting creature god ever managed to create

SHUT UP BLOODY VOICE!!!!! I DONT NEED YOU..... GO SCREW SOMEBODY ELSE....
PLEASE......

(waiting.....) I dont know....maybe he was right.....

Myriads of blue fishes swimming in front of my eyes.....Blue with silver streaks running down there spines....
These inexorable sharks try to eat them....But fail miserably....Flail around dear shark, but thou shalt never catch a prey so small......

Am i like the shark or the tiny fish???

Or something in between????

The middle class suffers always.....The tiny fish are big enough to bother them..... They are big enough to be eaten by the sharks, They are not big enough to fight the sharks, They are not small enough to make a meal out of the smaller fish....

Ah....The hellish ordeal that is being stuck in the middle.... and they say that the middle class holds the key
Probably that's not so untrue.... Who else would be food for the big fish???

The Moon is so beautiful tonight
There are clouds in the sky bright
A silver cream halogenic halo
that looks like an inverted volcano

O thee up in the stars of heaven
tell me truely,Do I love Her true??
Tell me ,for bear this pain I cannot
Tell me, tiny specks on a carpet blue??

I cant bear to think any more of her..... Shall I jump???? Take the leap???no....I am not as brave as Kate....
And I do not have a Leopold who loves me....

I think I will read Joyce....The sole soulmate of those beyond the reaches of their own soul.....The soul never dies....It only detaches from the mind and maligns itself in the sands and dirt of time....hurting us as it does so....Ay, The time is ripe.... It is raining outside....And as the rain drops patter with a gentle pitter patter upon the already pattered and battered stone steps, the world swoons around me..... I see it as I have never seen it before, almost as one who doesnot belong to this world anymore.... Ay, I see her here, I feel no regret, an apparition, covered in ghostly,but not ghastly halo....I know now, that this is the world of my imagination.The Time has come for me to start off on my journey.This is my world, as I see it....A phantasmal fantasy....An ecsatically mirthless hourglass...each grain of sand falls in measures....and each hour accurately mapped out in these inexplicably intricate movements of immovably tiny and yet supple grains...Ay,....tis world is strange.... The sand grains are too small to satisfu our curiosity...and the time it measures something too grand for us..... Surely there is no infernally hideously piteous predicament than being stuck in the middle......